The new me

The new me

Sometimes in life, you have disappointments, sadness, misfortunes, and frustrations.

It becomes overwhelming at times when you have a lot of it at the same time. You start to feel overpowered.

I lay in my bed, thinking, picking apart and simply analyzing my life. I start to feel withdrawal of damages, hurt, pain and simply melancholy.

I start to mourn the death of the old me. I mourn who I was. I reflect on who i used to be.

Tears start rolling down my cheeks as I feel that I need to cut ties with friends, family and acquaintances. As I see that the majority of people are not who I thought they were. People acting as your friend, when in reality they are envious and always bring the negative about everything around. They play petty games to make you feel guilty to fill and uplift their ego.

Family members that use you in so many ways. They see you as family so you must give them what they ask or you are in the wrong. They have the least consideration for you because you are attached by blood and they feel that you cannot detach yourself from them.

I feel guilty, however I know I need to do this for my children, Lancelot and myself.

Demons surround me laughing in my face. They tell me that I need to stay connected with the old me. They say that I am worthless like everyone else that used to be in my life. They say that I need not leave and stay miserable my entire life. They start to yell worthless words at me. I know that I am better than this!

I hold my head up high. I say to the old me, ” I acknowledge the old me, I learned from you, I am stronger. I bless you and Goodbye”.

Light starts to shine over me. I feel a power of the new me. Uplifting feelings surrounds me, it welcomes me.

My energy feels positive, loving and full of joy.

I see the old wood rot pealing off me. It resembles the old me as well as the ones I am detaching from.

I feel the positive changes, it feels great. My life has become a new chapter. I am loving the new me.

I am ready to achieve and conquer this new life.

I will never let anything ruin me, hold me down.

I AM a NEW me!

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Mental agony

Mental agony

At times my mind starts to wonder. It runs wild with many imaginations.

My imagination runs with such freedom. It starts to create something that connects to the original thought.

I start to smile and sit on my living-room floor in a daze, one that not even loud thunder could snap me out of . I start to think about all the beautiful and wonderful things I want in my life. I start to think about my children, Lancelot and myself. The imaginations I have are so wild and fun. I create far fetched imaginations but it makes me feel alive. My skin starts to shiver. Once it starts, i feel a tingle sensation though-out my body. It then becomes an overwhelming feeling over my skin.

The little hairs on my body start to stand high trying to reach the beautiful energy my body releases with these imaginations. I start to smile and relax my muscles so that I can grip my body with this sensations I am feeling.

I then start to think negative thoughts. It turns from negative into nightmares. Ones that only envious people have brought upon me. Ones that I am not sure why they have even come to mind. I see mouths all around my head, shouting really mean and nasty things. These mouths are only making my head hurt from all the damaging words that are coming from it. These mouths are recognized from people in my life. I start to feel mental agony.

My skin starts to break out in cold sweat. My skin turns pale. I lay down on the carpet in my living-room so that I can get a grip of myself. I start to cover my ears as I dont want to listen to all the nonsense that I am being told. I start to cry as my feelings are getting hurt. Pain starts to run through my veins. I am home alone and have no shoulder to cry on. I think to myself, “What is this”? I start to feel alone and hurt.

My mental agony just becomes greater and greater. My face starts to wrinkle. My skin feels cold.

The mental agony is so overwhelming that I start to think to myself, “I need to change this”.

I know that in my heart, even if I change this feeling, people were going to get emotionally hurt or feel the separation in their way. I must change something. I must detach from them.

I close my eyes, needing someone to comfort me. I decide to tune out the voices. I start to think about Lancelot and how he makes me happy. I feel his presence in the room. I feel his energy get closer to me. I feel the love that is completely overwhelming. His gentle touch over my cold skin. I feel his warm, soft fingers run across my forehead, Running down onto my face, neck, chest, stomach and a gentle kiss on my navel. I smile as I know he is with me. My skin turns warm. Bumps overwhelm my body of excitement as I know he is with me in spirit. He has taken away my fear, my hurt, my mental agony.

I start to giggle.

I kiss the air, knowing that my kiss will go to him. I know deep down in my heart he will feel this warm gentle kiss. I know that he will cherish the kiss within him.

When I feel him, I know everything will be more than OK. I know that I have him always. I know that he will comfort me when I most need it. I know that he will always be there for me.

As I am the Goddess and he is God and combine we create a whole and NOTHING could ever separate the whole of one.

Walking through changes

Walking through changes

Everyone goes through changes within their lives.

You cannot stop the changes that are about to evolve. You can only look at them, learn from them and sense the feel.

It is hard when a change comes so unexpectedly that you are shocked at the way it made an impact.

When the change occurs within your life, you stop and think to yourself, “How could this happen”?.

We need to embrace the impact because this is how we will learn from them.

I have walked through many changes. Some where extreme and overwhelming.

I thought I had everything in order in my life. I had all the drama and hurt buried in a place that I knew would not come out.

Little did I know, the dirt started to scatter as the rain distorted what covered my pain. I decided that I would bury the pain instead of “confronting” the pain.

Once the Pain became known, I had an explosion of pain and sorrow. It was intense and emotionally I felt naked. Naked in the sense that I did not know how to handle nor defend my emotions. I was not prepared.

I took a subtle hold of myself and meditated on the situation. I became more at ease.

However, the small group of friends that I once had, became only a couple left.

Once chaos came, they decided to abandon me . Abandon me in a way that hurt me the most. I needed emotional support. It seems when they needed emotional support, I was always there, but when I needed it, excuses where made or they were no where to be found.

I realized in life that the few good friends that stood firm and helped me out with open arms where very slim.

I found to see the truth in my “Friends”. I got to see who was real and who were fake. It was not the best feeling to realize that the “true” friends you thought were your “Real” friends, where never true nor real. It was a rude awakening for me!

I thought of becoming a hermit and to shy away from the world. I thought of giving up on everything. I thought I was not worthy to be around anyone. I thought that if I would disappear without a trace, this would help me to be a better me. However, I remembered the grave I buried and how it came back with much greater force. The only way truly to be happy, is to confront the hurt, pain and sorrow. Bless them, Thank them for the learning experience, and to move on.

It is not easy, however changes are made for the better. Even if at the moment, you see it as the worse change ever, up ahead in a place that you cannot see, there is something bigger and better waiting for you.

I know this to be true. I have found it. I have cherished it and I am loving it.

I love my new life, the re-birth of me.

I truly love you, Lancelot.

Funny How…….

Funny How…….

It’s funny how we all like to judge everyone around us as if we did not have faults.

We like to belittle other people while we are great and mighty.

We like to see what the other person does not have and see ourselves greater than others.

It is funny how we like to laugh at other people so that we may feel better about ourselves.

It is funny how we like to make others feel less of a person, while in that moment we feel more superior.

It is funny how everything is everyone else’s fault and we never hold any.

It is funny how we like to blame others for our guilt.

While other people in the world are all like photographs. We are replica’s of who the others are. We tend to feel “Better” than others, superior, and condescending. while everyone else has a taste of the same thing.

Have you ever wondered about your worse enemy? How we are all the same in some odd way.

It is funny because everyone around you is what you are.

If you are an evil person, you will only have evil people around you.

If you are a deceiving person, you only have deceivers around you.

If you are a gossiper, you only have gossipers around you.

Look at yourself. Ask yourself, “What do I need to change”?

Change yourself to whom you want around you.

You will see that people will fall off of your circle. These individuals will not be around you, because you are becoming the person you want around you. You will have new friends that will be more of a desire to you because they will be what you have become.

Try this test for at least 90 days without fail and you will see this to me true. You will start seeing results.

I get a lot of blog readers that ask me, “How can I find love, soul-mate, twin flame”?

Look at YOU first, see what “You” need to change. Change yourself to be that person you are looking for. That person that you desire to suit you the most. You will see and find that the person that you are looking for will one day come and knock on the door to your heart.

You will find the peace and love you so desire for.

You will find the peace you have always been seeking.

Have you ever heard of the phrase, “You are what you eat”?

Remember this phrase,” You are who’s around you”.

If you don’t like who is around you, then change who you are. Change yourself to whom you want in your life. You will attract more people like you. You will love yourself and those around you more.

This may be something that you may disagree . Lets write down the things you want surrounding you, change yourself to be just that.You will see that the current people that are the opposite of what you want around you will have a problem with you. They will feel uncomfortable around you. They will seem very uneasy. You will find out, who are really true to you, although you might already have a gut feeling about it!

You will then see that a new network of people will come into your life that are more like you. You will see that you will have more people around you that you will have a more liking too. You will see your life turn around to a better place for you.

Give it a whirl, you will start seeing results.

You have nothing to loose in trying and making sure you implement this “New You” 100%. Don’t let anyone tear down the “New You”.

Always be you, Love you and most of all, Praise you!