I just realized

I was rushing to get ready to meet my children's teachers. I showered. I got dressed. I made my hair and a tad of makeup. The kids had a half day of school today. I took the little ones with me to the conference. They were happy that their mother was walking into the classroom with them. They looked so proud. It was like they were walking in with a movie star. They were excited. Wanting me to meet their teachers. Of course, they gave me a grand introduction of their teachers while walking down the halls before I got there.

When I walked up to my daughters teachers classroom, I had to wait for about 5-10 minutes before she was done with her previous appointment. Her teacher opened the door letting the other parent come out of the classroom. She greeted us with a smile. I walked in with my kids. She asked them if they wanted to play in a certain area, the kids agreed.

We started to talk about my daughter's grades. Her teacher was so happy. She was telling me that my daughter in an honor role student. I knew that I would only get good news from her. She has been an honor roll student since she started. Well, when the teacher started to talk to me and tell me all the wonderful things about her, I looked over to the right of me (Not knowing why) and I seen the empty seat next to me. My eyes started to fill with tears. I tried to hold back as I didn't want the teacher to notice. I just realized at that instant that I was alone. I didn't have you beside me to hear all the wonderful things our daughter accomplished at school. At the same time I kind felt soothed, like if you were there but in spirit. I started to imagine you there beside me (Silly I must admit).

The funny thing is, is that none of my previous frogs ever came to the school to hear the progress of the kids. I am not sure why all of a sudden I felt the loneliness. I do this all the time alone. I am not sure, but I guess I have the inner feeling and faith to know that you are different. You will support me in all. Our kids, Home, Life and love. This is why i am so excited.

After the conference, I headed towards my son's teachers homeroom. She greeted me and I sat down. Again my kids played as I talked to the teacher. Once more, I felt like you were with me. I cannot explain what i felt. I felt it being confirmation that the next time I sat in those very chairs, you would be with me. It made me realize, how much I miss you. How much I love you. How much I need you in my life.

I am impatient.. I would love to have the fairytale tomorrow if I could. But, it is like a pain that I cannot get out of my heart.

I started to notice the wedding bands of the teachers. I thought, wow.. When will I have Lancelot with me and when will I be in the pink fairytale of having you love me. Having you to talk to everyday. Having something to look forward too every time I go to sleep or wake up?

What I just realized is, how much I really love you and need you in my life!

Today I had 3 Parent teacher conferences. I was rushing to get off and meet the kids teachers. I had a lot of work to finish, I made myself go to the gym in the AM. It was complete chaos for me.