Sadness overwhelms me

I cannot deny that there are times that I fall. I feel week and cannot walk. I feel like somehow envy rushes through. People seeing how strong I am and this makes them uncomfortable. Without intentions of individuals around us, they send out negative energy that causes one to fall or to feel defeated in certain ways. I feel like I have been shot by bullets all over my body and I need help . Trying to get to the hospital walking in agony I start to think of the beauty in life. The agony makes you feel that there is nothing out there to live for, but in your mind you know that the agony is lying. It is telling you what your physical body is feeling. I feel in my heart that there is more to life than the agony I am feeling. But at times the feeling is so overwhelming that you start to believe into the Bullshit the agony feeds you.

I start to pick up the pieces that are all around me, as I feel that I can make this journey to the hospital/place of healing . The road is tough but I feel that I can get through. It is like having to carry another boy while trying to carry your own. You know that the path is near but you feel defeated. The path to help is so close yet so far. You feel that the only real help is you because when you look around there is no one there. Your cries of help go nowhere. It is like no one gives a damn. When you look around you feel alone. You feel death very near.

I am determined to get out of this alive. I want to do so many things and if I let this defeat me then I know I will not be able to do what I need to do. I am still determined. On my path to healing/Hospital it seems so far. I know that it is not as far as it feels, but with my body aching and my heart wounded, I feel helpless. I feel that there is no destination. There is no real emotions in my body that want to live. My mind is the only thing going. My children's laughter is heard from afar. I smile. I hear your voice with the children, but still I hear it so far away.

I keep walking to get healing. I am finally there, but now I am not sure if I want to go in. I am confused if I should lay in a fetal position beside the building of healing and just die. I sit to rest as my bare feet are hurting. Blood dripping everywhere, my heart is wounded, my body is dying slowly and my mind starting to feel defeated by my body. I sit there thinking. I don't have a lot of time as I know that I will not last...

This is how I feel today!