The only thing that I had in my head was not hurting you. But, what about my hurt?
You loved me and never knew who I really am. It had been 9 years that we were together and not once did you ask me what I was feeling, what I liked, what I wanted to do.
You assumed that you knew who I was, for lack of better words. You never knew where I stood with "me". You never were interested in finding out who I really am. After 5 years, is when you realized how I liked to drink me coffee. You held on to a ghost. You only loved a ghost. How can you love someone without really knowing who they are. Maybe it was my fault for jumping into a relationship without letting you know who I really was. Not knowing what I liked or what I desired.
In my head there is only you, not anyone else. I don't want to hurt you, how am I going to ease the pain, when I dont want to console you in something that I have created for you. I have created hurt in your heart. I didn't mean too, it just happened. My love for you is no longer there. What I wanted and dreamed for us, never happened and never will.
You dont know what I am going through. I am going through a withdrawal of you and of me at the same time. I cant take this anymore. I have to be strong. I have to be strong for me and for you. This is the best route for both of us. Do you want me to chose to kiss you, lie and act like we are happy when we are not? All the pieces of us has fallen apart and cannot be glued together.
I chose to turn away from your love. I chose to turn my back. Everything around me has fallen like a tower in an earthquake. My family asks why, my friends tell me to think things through. But who are they to tell me what I need to do. Do they want me to be unhappy? I turned my back on loving you because this love it not a good thing. You never once cared what I was going through. You were only concerned about YOU. You never once tried to figure out who I am and see if you really wanted to be with me after "REALLY" knowing me.
No matter how hard I try. I will always be the bad guy in your eyes.
I admit, I did love you at one point in my life, but the last two years had NO LOVE at all.
I am sorry, and I know this was for the best. I know that you will find someone that will love you the way you deserve to be loved.
I am not the one for you.
I want to hide, I dont want to carry on with my life. I want to die. I want to disappear. I have created a monster within me. I need to make myself strong for me and my children. I am down, disappointed in my decisions and all I can do is move forward from this storm.
This is what I felt the last days with my last frog.
In the last moments of my last frog, I felt hurt, confused and betrayed.
Betrayed by my own self!
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