Disappearing within the universe.

Disappearing within the universe.

Disappearing within the universe.

Sometimes I feel like dissapearing within the Universe. The burden I have brought apon me feels too heavy to carry. Embarrasment from my own children seem to fall on my shoulders while their fathers always have an easy way out.

At times I feel as if I don’t have any room for me. As I sit and think about ways to improve my life or how to make things easier, I get shot down from my very own.

I feel fustrated with no air to breathe. No sun to shine my way. I am a cave within me. I never have a way out for my feelings. I have become my own prisoner.

I share no feelings. I share no thoughts. I share only what i see fit.

I have learned in this life that if i share too much and let my feelings out, it will be pushed back into my face and i will never be able to live my feelings down. I have been burnt so many times from the past frogs and old friends. It seems like i cannot trust anyone because if i do one day, the cycle will never end.

I feel today, that it would be an advantage for me to have the universe swallow me. I slowly disappear within it going through it and dissolving within. I feel that if my energy and soul would recycle itself then it would be a greater advantage for the universe then to have me live in it.

I only have energy to keep my life a float. I only have the strength to assure that life keeps flowing. At times i feel like i should just give up but something more powerful beyond what i know and feel keeps holding me here with some purpose that is unknown to me. I feel like im powerless. I have no emotions at times. I just want to dissapear and never be found. It is sad within my heart because i feel as if things in my life will always stay the same. Things just stay stagnant.

Sadness became a big part of me and i need to learn how to let it go. I need to learn how to live without. I need to be a happier soul. Although everyone sees me at a different light, i have to show something other than what i feel. I need to show peaceful emotions so that i can see others happy with no concerns of me. I guess i have become an expert in hiding emotions. I have taught myself to hide very well because i have done it for so long, i dont know how to reverse this feeling.

I know that one day not knowing when, i will be able to fight my own prison but until then, i can only hope to have some type of release or inner self healing of what i know or what i am used too.

I feel lonely. I am majorily feeling solitude within me. I can honestly say that i know why people are pushed to commit certain acts. Although i cannot take that deeper step but i can honestly say that it has been thought but i know that the higher beings will not let me go.

I dont believe in Hell. But i dont want to be recycled and have to live another lifetime on this earth. I want to advance and go onto the next level. I do love me. I love everything about me, i just dont like what i have created within me. I feel like i have infected some around me. I dont want to infect anyone anymore. The only way is to heal.

If i had the chance i would ask the universe to allow me to dissapear within it. As this is my wish today.