Feeling Lonely

Feeling lonely is extremely normal, I know. It is even normal for partners that are not feeling content in their relationship. It's sad sometimes because we should not feel lonely. We should not feel this void in our lives. I wish this life could be easy. Unfortunately it isn't.

I wish the sky could always be blue, with white puffs of clouds , and warm weather. This is a picture of a perfect day. Why can't life be this perfect everyday? Well, i guess because if it were this perfect, plants could not grow, the grass would die and the birds would not have anything to drink. No rain would cause things to be at a stand still and growth will not happen. I see that this is like us. We need to feel alone to make us strong, to make us grow, to nourish our souls in a hard loving way.

I don't like to feel this way. I want to be selfish with this one and not have the rainy days. I want only the perfect day. Sunlight hitting my face and stretch out my arms and have my skin consume the warmness of the sun. I want to feel whole again and not have that void.

I know I need to wait. I know that I need to have that experience in my life in order to be the person I need to be to exceed to the next level. To be a better soul before I expire. To be what I need to be and have the oneness of the source. I know this.

Why is it that I know so much about myself and I still at times feel lonely? Why is it that this damn void keeps coming into my life?? I can honestly look at my life and say that I have everything I need but the only void is having Lancelot in my life.

You would think this is not much, considering that a lot of people have other issues in their life that is a lot bigger than me finding Lancelot. I guess it comes with the void I feel that I must have him in my life. I think that I can compare their problems with mine because in reality they are on the same level of problems. I guess there is no problem bigger than another..

My loneliness will not be satisfied until I find Lancelot. I want him with me NOW. I don't want to wait. I want to have him within my arms, wake up with him, I want to see his smile every morning. I want to sit down and have breakfast and coffee with him. I want to be there when he comes home from a long days work. I want to be the one to hear about his day. Hear about what he was thinking and feeling. I want to be the one to help him shower. To help him relax and be at ease. I want to eat dinner with him and my children as a family. I want to lay down with him to go to bed at night. I want to have wild and complete sex with him. I want him to feel complete and loved before he shuts his eyes to rest.

I miss you Lancelot. I want you near me. I want you everyday of my life in my life.