Single

When I was married, I would look at the single life as free. Someone that had everything they had ever wanted and were able to do what they wanted to do. Someone that was always happy and could date anytime do anything and go anywhere with ease .

One thing I came to realize that if I felt this way. It wasnt because the single life was appealing, it was because I was not happy in my marriage. It was a sign. A blissful marriage should not feel this way. It should not have the feeling of being scared, trapped or unhappy. It should have the feeling of being Free, open, and loving. Free because a marriage is one. You can do anything and never have fear. That is what a marriage or a relationship should be. There should NOT be any control. It should be open for both to love one another freely and NEVER in fear.

Now that I am single once again and refuse to fail the next time around, I believe that I will be a lot different with Lancelot. I know that I had not been successful on the last two. It is easier to blame someone else for ones mistake. It is easy to make you the better person. I can admit that I DID make a wrong decision. I did not love myself first before I started to love another. I made a domino effect with the band-aids I used to cover my void. It is easier to do this then to take the time out for yourself.

I can say, that I am tired of being alone. I want someone NOW!! I want to enjoy my life. I want to enjoy sex. I want to enjoy Love. But I cannot enjoy all of this with the wrong person. I can only enjoy this with the right person. So, it is worth the wait. I don't and refuse to have another broken heart or relationship.

What am I showing my children? That love is supposed to fail? Love is supposed to be broken and to take the next person that comes along and settle? NO... I refuse.... I have been a bad example for my kids in the area of love. Chances are they will fail because the only true example in their life is me. The one that has been there for them for everything else. Do you really think that if they have a problem with love they would come to me, the one that failed twice?? Chances are, their friends have a better chance to provide them with advise than I do. The only way they will come to me and ask me for advise is if I show example and show them that I am worthy.

Let me tell you that the truth hurts. Someone that is very spiritual, not religious had told me that I was a bad example for my kids.. It was like he grabbed me by the arms and shook me. It was an eye opener. Another thing he made me realise is that my pride will not get my kids anywhere. Boy he was so right about a lot of things that all I can do is to thank him for every hard word he told me. This is why I refuse to stay single and am determined to find Lancelot. To find my one and only. To find the Love I want to complete.

If you can make your marriage work, do it.. Be an example for your loved ones! Communication is key... Like I said, it is a make it or break it. If you can make it, Great if not, well than start your soul search guys because you will need it so that you will not have the failures I have and use the band-aid and only hurt yourself...